seventeenth

I have a lot to say, but I have very few words for what I want to say. This little self within me is both ineloquent and insecure. And probably many other more factors contribute to this constant struggle. Haha what is even self.

Then, I'm always trying to do too much, and failing at everything in the end. I'm not sure what it is really. But I fancy the idea of always being on the go. Yes, I am pleasantly aware of my un-organization, fully aware of my perceiving-ness. Maybe because I'm trying to be what I'm not that makes everything so hard.

Life is hard like that.

If I'm gonna pray, why don't I pray with boldness? It's gonna take a miracle anyway, I might as well pray for a bigger one? How come that thought never came across my head. Oh me of little faith.


Seventeenth because, it's the 17th again. These come every month ever since the 17th of May in 1994. 17th repeats itself, and so I get monthly emotional outbursts. What are those? I will tell you that they are a mixture of many things. But recently they have been close to depression. I had better months some years ago.


In closing, you should know that I can't live with people, I'm gonna move out to a nice studio of my own as soon as I make enough money to support myself.